Friday, September 12, 2008

It's time....for the Threat Down!

We may think it's a little hard in Hartford to bike, what with all the deadly sandpits, potholes, glass-strewn streets, poorly designed bike lanes, unlabeled routes, and rude drivers, but there's a threat out there that puts all of our worries to shame.

That's right, the number 1 threat to American bicycling commuters today:

BEARS!!!!


These godless, killing machines have begun to turn their murderous rage against anything on two wheels. These brave heroes may have escaped and lived to tell about it, but how many uncounted Bianchis, Treks, and Cannondales have been dragged off to the soulless, rampaging marauders' dens of murder? Stay vigilant, Nation!


With apologies to Stephen Colbert.


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah I heard this story on NPR but I didn't remember if it was true or if it was a dream.

So I guess I should stop smearing honey on my helmet when I ride.

I heard an urban legend that there was a bear in Keney park in the last years? Can anyone verify this?

Tom said...

Its happening coast to coast. See http://www.dailycyclist.com/2008/09/11/bike-hits-bear/

Anonymous said...

Not bike related...but bear related. Did you hear about the dude who was fishing? The bear swam across the river, in to the marina, got on the guys boat and had a man snack. Crazy shit! Although, I am still convinced a squirrel will end my life.

Brendan said...

I hit a groundhog a few months ago. A bad crash ensued.

OpusOne said...

I couldn't fit it in the post logically, but coming off the Founders Bridge this morning, a HUGE flock of birds got disturbed and started flying away across my path at head level. I had to duck and pray to Alfred Hitchcock.

When nature attacks.

Karma said...

+1 on the squirrel thing. I had about 5 dart across the road right BEHIND my front tire yesterday. Most of them went into oncoming traffic, I think they were all ok though.