Friday, January 22, 2010

A Zumwhat Zilly Zing

On my ride of a few days past with Dario and Brendan, I though, while riding on the sidewalk of all things, to ask if either of them was familiar with "Sidewalk Points." They were not, and it has since come to my attention that in fact, vast portions of the cycling population have not been educated regarding this concept. So, to the best of my ability, I will impart some knowledge on this subject.

First the basics: if, while riding down the street, preferably with others, and most definitely preferably while having fun, you then switch to riding on the sidewalk, you will be earning Sidewalk Points until such time as you are no longer riding on the aforementioned sidewalk. This works best if you vocally announce, "Sidewalk Points!" to your riding companions. It may in fact be possible to earn bonus points should you dismount the sidewalk by riding off the curb rather than a ramped profile, but the rules and experts are not clear on this. Style may count.

Simple enough, right? Well as it happens, Dario and very much Brendan had addition questions, so in case you, dear reader, find yourself also in a similar state of query, here are some answers. Apply them to your questions as you see fit.
-No, Sidewalk Points cannot be redeemed for valuable or other merchandise. Really, why would you want to?
-Of course Sidewalk Points are valuable; they are Sidewalk Points after all.
-If you have to ask about their value, you are really missing the point, and likely weren't paying enough attention while earning your Sidewalk Points. Go back, try earning some more, and see if it comes to you.
-Six and three twelfths.
-Yes, it certainly is possible that a ride without Sidewalk Points is like a day without kumquats.

One last note and important disclaimer: No sidewalk points are earned in any situation that causes fear, distress, or urination for any other sidewalk users. That just wouldn't be cool.

4 comments:

Brendan said...

in west hartford center, however, sidewalk points can get you arrested.

or like all of new haven.

Oirad said...

Yes, but the West Hartford scenario begs an important rhetorical question. Can one earn Sidewalk Points by schluffing the bike or pushing it along as he walks on the sidewalk? I personally think so (I said it was a rhetorical question). Moreover, this begs yet another critical question. Considering the fact that someone, let's say, Salem is riding his bike 100 feet on the sidewalk and, let's say, Brendan, dismounts and "walks" his bike over the same distance (for fear of the West Hartford gendarmes), it is likely that Brendan, moving more slowly, will take more time to cover the same ground than Salem. Does Brendan accumulate more Sidewalk Points? Allow me to answer my own rhetorical question again: No. Amount of time on a sidewalk doesn't constitute sidewalk points only riding or walking with your bike for distance. Salem and Brendan accumulate the same number of Sidewalk Points.

I hope this clarifies things a bit.

-- dario

Salem said...

I object, sidewalk points, by their very nature, should never be clarified.

Brendan said...

how come I have to walk?