Thursday, December 1, 2011

Trailered a F'ing Couch - Really.

So, I did two things today.  First, I went under contract on a foreclosed condo in downtown Hartford. Second, and more importantly, I trailered a fucking couch.  While walking the neighborhood in East Hartford, I spotted what appeared to be a serviceable couch about a mile from home.  Having an empty condo in my near future, a couch would be nice.  I'll put it next to my lazy boy, and I can have friends sit on it.

Normally couches are light things, mostly air and some cushions.  I figured it would be an awkward but reasonable thing to trailer home, so I headed back out with my trusty flatbed topped with a 40 gallon Rubbermaid.  My plan nearly ended when I pulled off the cushions and found ----- a sleeper sofa.  No!  Those suckers are heavy.   Even with two folks carrying the ends the sleeper will tend to flop open and cause massive cursing during a move.  I put a call in to a nearby friend with a truck.  No answer.  Time to make a bad decision.  Do it anyway.

First load was the cushions and the mattress, which I figured would lighten things up for the Big Show.  You can see that even the cushions were a silly sight at 10PM rolling through the suburbs.  Loading the heavy, sloppy sleeper was a challenge with just one person.  After lifting one end onto the Rubbermaid, I pushed and pulled the couch until it was precariously balanced atop the bin.  The couch was perpendicular to the bike, and therefore to the street.  To be safe I attached a blinky light on one of the aft bungees, crossed myself, and wobbled down the street.

The couch was perched on the back rack of the Huffy and the Rubbermaid bin, and this resulted in a very light front end that had to be countered with a firm forward lean.  The lean on the rack also made for some unpredictable wobbling and a very limited turning radius.  Proceeding home at 4-5mph I had a rough start due to the unexpected width and drunken swerves, taking out a couple of brush piles and trash cans.  I had to ride right out in the middle of the lane and take up the whole thing to avoid clipping signs and mailboxes.  There were many passing cars, and I was surprised to hear not one cat call or "What the hell are you doing?"  They were shocked speechless.   On the one small downhill I rode the brakes, maybe reaching 10mph.  Just as I made it home, the couch was starting to cheat to the right and threatening a catastrophic tilt over.

Perhaps it was a bad decision, but I did it anyway and I can say that I trailered a fucking couch.  A sleeper sofa.  I think I'll borrow a truck when I move it to the condo, unless Chris Brown will lend me his big trailer...


Interstatement said...

Congrats on the condo, and kudos for absurd load transport! I'll help with a bike move or a move of the more conventional abuse-a-U-Haul sort.

On a linguistic note, I can't help but think that "Fucking couch" and "Sleeper sofa" are somewhat parallel terms. You might wanna spray-bomb and shampoo that thing.

Schleppi Longstocking said...

I look at that and think bedbugs and pubic lice. Spraybomb the fuck outta that.

Congrats on not giving yourself a hernia moving it!

Tony C said...

Chris - I'll definitely tap you for a bike move. I recognize that "fucking couch" is potentially literal. Some time in the freezing garage should off the creepy critters.

The couch looks pretty clean and I didn't even find the typical pet hair.