Sponsors Wanted

(Photo by Meaglin, of WikiMedia Commons.)

As the post below this one makes clear, I am lately deprived of the pleasure of my folding bicycle. My insurance deductible is $1,000, which exceeds the value of said whip, so that's that - it's the road bike or nothing. Clearly, this is not the end of the world; people are undergoing far greater suffering as we speak. But I do want a new folder, because strapping my road bike to the roof of my Corolla, although it works, makes me nervous and distracts me from safe driving. (You know what else distracts me? The roaring wind through my broken fucking window! Waterbury car burglar, I will kill you!) And while I am a lawyer, I am a public interest lawyer with two kids and a mountain of debt, so I can't really buy a new bike right now. Which leads me to the following brilliant idea . . .

I need a company to sponsor me. The company will provide free gear (bike, t-shirts, bag) and I will provide ceaseless, high-profile endorsement. I realize that usually, people who get sponsorships participate in some sort of sporting activity that other people care about (Nascar, basketball, etc.). But let me suggest something: Bicycle commuting is the new, um, thing that is hot. Look - everywhere we see news stories about the skyrocketing cost of gas, about people showing renewed interest in alternative transportation, about bike week. Bicycle companies are making more models aimed at commuters. So clearly, this is a market that needs a spokesperson.

And really, who better than me? While I'm not terribly attractive (I've been told I have a face that's perfect for radio), I'm not too ugly, and if nothing else, I'm tall. I have a crazy, multi-modal commute, which shows off the benefits of a folding bike. I work with poor children, so I have that do-gooder appeal. And I speak Spanish, so I could reach the ever-growing Hispanic immigrant population!

Seriously, folding bike companies, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. As it is, I have frequently sung the praises of my (now stolen) Dahon folder to other commuters, who were always interested in the bike when I took it on the train, and I have documented my bike travels and exploits on this blog, which has been seen by hundreds of people, including one in Poland! If you would just set me up with a new bike, I would tirelessly spread the gospel of bike commuting, folding bikes, and maybe also human beatboxing, because that is fast becoming a lost art. I would take the train to New York and show up at high-profile bike events there. I would go up to Boston for stuff there. I would, of course, keep the Beat on lock. If you wanted, I would hobnob with the rich and famous, or host charity events, or star in a series of television ads. Just set me up with a new bike! (Dahon, I'm especially looking at you. That Cadenza with the 8-speed, internally geared hub and the disc brakes is the hotness, and I will make that bike a star if you will just give me one for free.)

And bike accessory companies, you can get in on the act too! Kryptonite, I already love you guys for that one time you replaced my lock with no questions asked after it started seizing up in the cold. Let's talk! BaileyWorks, I love your shit too (but Timbuk2, Manhattan Portage, Chrome, ReLoad, you guys are doing good work too, and I will totally work with you (especially ReLoad!)). Helmet makers, light makers, companies that make stylish bike clothes, you guys can all get in on this act (and by stylish, I'm thinking Swobo, not all that spandex business, you feel me?).

So basically, I need stuff but I don't have money (or shame). Let's talk.